3 Ways to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
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In our last post, we shared 10 things eating disorder clinicians want parents to know if they have a child with an eating disorder. Similarly, today we are sharing some ways you can support a loved one - partner, family member, friend - with an eating disorder. We know that having a loved one with an eating disorder can feel scary, but we we can equip you with some helpful tools.
Reminders
Remember, food is not the problem. While telling your loved one to eat more, binge less, or make the choice to not purge might feel like helpful and simple advice, in reality, it’s likely not. If it was as simple as the statements above, 1) your loved one likely would have already tried it, 2) your loved one doesn’t have the capacity to do it (because emotions are too strong, barriers feel too big, resources are unavailable, etc.), and/or 3) your loved one doesn’t want to do it (because they eating disorder to helping/supporting/protecting them in some way that they are not ready to give up yet).
Also, remember that eating disorders are emotional management systems. Food has become the tool they use to manage/feel/experience/push down/forget/express emotions from their experiences. This means that part of finding healing will include addressing unmet needs, emotional dysregulation, adaptive coping tools, and more.
3 Ways to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
1. Don’t try and fix things. It’s not your job to fix your loved one. And for most people, they don’t want you to fix it. Oftentimes, what your loved one needs most is someone to listen to them and support them, without judgment. To you, your loved one’s behaviors and thought patterns might not make any sense. To your loved one, they do. Listening without judgment can help provide them with a safe space to share part of their world.
Listening to and supporting them does not mean that you have to support their eating disorder or not be upset by the situation. If you have someone in your life with an eating disorder, it’s likely you feel a myriad of emotions, like helplessness, sadness, anger, and more. It’s normal to feel these things and it’s okay to feel these things. What we want to encourage you to do is take time, away from your loved one with an eating disorder, to process your feelings. This could be talking to a therapist or close friend. It could include doing something active or creative to allow the emotions to move through you. You need space to feel your feelings just like your loved one needs space to feel theirs. All feelings are valid.
2. Ask if there is anything specific you can do to support them. Everyone has different support needs. Just because something feels supportive to you does not make it supportive to another person. Consider asking your loved one what kind of support they need from you. They might request that you avoid making food or body comments around them. They might want you to eat a meal with them, hold their hand while they cry, watch a movie with them, or just listen (without judgment).
If your loved one does not know the kind of support they need, let them know that it’s okay and that you’re available when they do know what they need or want to talk. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is willing and able to provide support to listen can make all the difference.
3. Learn more. To you, your loved one’s behaviors and thought patterns might not make any sense. To your loved one, they do make sense. Eating disorders are complex mental illnesses that are not just about food. Educating yourself on eating disorders and what your loved one is going through can not only be helpful to you and help you better understand your loved one, but it can also be a powerful way to show your loved one that you want to support them.
Moving Forward
If you have a loved one struggling with an eating disorder and are looking for help from a licensed professional, please reach out to our team via the contact form at the top of the page.
Collaborative Counseling & Nutrition is an outpatient nutrition and body image counseling center, with locations in Indianapolis and Carmel, that provides compassionate, holistic eating disorder treatment. Through practicing mindfulness, intuition, and Health At Every Size, we are on a mission to help you find a true state of well-being! We take an anti-diet, weight-inclusive approach with all our clients and work to help guide you towards a way of healthy living designed by you, just for you! This post is for education purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for treatment for an eating disorder. If you are looking for a registered dietitian or therapist to assist you on your recovery journey, please reach out today!
