Fat is Not a Feeling

‘I feel fat!’ is a phrase many of us have used before and is a pretty common phrase in our culture. But, ‘fat’ is a descriptor, not a feeling. Today, Brenna explores the meaning behind the phrase, the harm it can cause, and alternative options. Take it away, Brenna!

Picture this…..you’ve had a day where you don’t feel quite “right”. You can’t put your finger on it. Nothing is going horribly wrong per se, yet you still don’t feel happy or positive. Your morning started with you not finding an outfit that you like. Miscommunications are happening at work. The coffee shop got your order wrong. You forgot to fill up your gas tank. Your friend didn’t pick up the phone when you called them. You muster through the day, uncomfortable in your own skin and rather disappointed with the way life looks that day. To make matters worse, you make it through the day but when you get home your partner seems to be in an irritable mood and your pet or child had an accident!

You are so “over” the day and feel pretty down. You are getting ready for bed when you look in the mirror and notice your thoughts being overwhelmingly negative, critical, and harsh towards yourself. Your thoughts start to point out your flaws and blame your body size or shape to be the problem. This moment sticks with you. Suddenly each day you wake up feeling less and less confident getting dressed. You become more aware of others' interactions with you. You take fewer pictures of yourself. In a moment of a breakdown, you utter the words “I just feel so fat”. Maybe your partner or friend is confused by this statement but tries with their best effort to make you feel better. They assure you that’s not the case, but it doesn’t improve your mood or feelings in the slightest. You are stuck.

Fat is Not a Feeling

Even if you haven’t experienced everything detailed in this scenario, if you have found the words “I feel fat” to be prevalent in your thought process and/or self-talk, it may be helpful to take a deeper look at what you really mean. Since “fat” is NOT actually a feeling, when you identify and express your feelings with this label, it can be not only unhelpful and inaccurate but also problematic. Since we, unfortunately, exist within a fatphobic society (read: diet culture), it is not uncommon to have negative associations tied to what “fat” means or represents to you.

Most of us have been taught that “fat” is bad, unhealthy, lazy, or even unsuccessful - very harsh labels to attach to a person simply based on their body size (which dismisses major components of body size such as genetics). When people are dealing with difficult feelings, encounter experiences that trigger insecurities/tap into emotional wounds, or worry about being viewed in such a negative light by others or themselves, it could be masked with the label of “fat”.

This descriptor notoriously bears the weight of everything negative or bad. Your thoughts may be telling you “I feel so fat”, when in all reality what might be happening is you are grappling with difficult feelings or maybe even scratching the surface of an emotional wound. Maybe you are disappointed with the way things have unfolded in your life currently; you feel out of control with work stress; you feel insignificant or rejected in your relationship; you feel like a failure at your job or as a friend, partner, or even parent. When this misidentification of feelings takes place, problems arise in a variety of ways. 

Not only does the individual miss or avoid the true source of their distress, therefore complicating their ability to effectively cope or process, but they also perpetuate their own internalized fatphobia that maintains negative thoughts and feelings of oneself (and subconsciously others).

Curiosity & Clarity

This can be difficult to wrap your head around, but there can be so much power in simply remaining curious about what you might mean/what your feelings are trying to tell you if you notice your thoughts telling you “I feel fat”. Curiosity can help to shift away from the cycle of fatphobia and help you clarify what feelings you may be experiencing.

For instance, if I can explore what else I have been feeling recently or what else has taken place recently, I might recognize my body is not the problem. Instead, maybe I have felt disconnected from my partner, which has started to trigger emotions of feeling unwanted and/or rejected aka “not good enough”. In that case, my body is not the problem, rather my mind is trying to grapple with these difficult feelings. Blaming my body and perpetuating negative/fatphobic ways of thinking will only enhance negative feelings as well as completely distract me from the root issue I may be attempting to deal with.

Moving Forward

So, the next time you find yourself thinking “I feel fat”, maybe explore what you are allowing “fat” to mean to and about you. It may not be obvious at first, but by practicing this shift you may grant yourself access to more effective coping and more self-compassion. If you need extra support, the Collaborative Counseling and Nutrition Team is available. Reach out via our Contact form.

Collaborative Counseling & Nutrition is an outpatient nutrition and body image counseling center, with locations in Indianapolis and Carmel, that provides compassionate, holistic eating disorder treatment. Through practicing mindfulness, intuition, and Health At Every Size, we are on a mission to help you find a true state of well-being! We take an anti-diet, weight-inclusive approach with all our clients and work to help guide you towards a way of healthy living designed by you, just for you! This post is for education purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for treatment for an eating disorder. If you are looking for a registered dietitian or therapist to assist you on your recovery journey, please reach out today!