Stop Commenting on Other People’s Bodies: Try This Instead
If you’re a human, it’s likely someone has commented on your body at some point in your life. for some, this is a daily occurrence, and the comments are not positive or helpful. Today, we are diving into why commenting on people’s bodies can be so harmful and what to do instead.
Stop Commenting on Other People’s Bodies: Try This Instead
Commenting on people’s bodies is a pretty commonplace thing to do in our culture (re: diet culture). It’s so common that people can do it without even considering the impact their words can have on the other person. It can sound like this:
You look great, have you lost weight?
You look like you’ve gained weight. Are you doing alright?
You’re just so tiny!
I’m just really concerned for your health.
You must be doing something right; you look great! What are you doing?
You shouldn’t have to worry about the number on the scale.
You look so healthy.
Oh of course you're skinny, you eat rabbit food!
You eat like a bird.
You aren’t fat, you’re beautiful.
Understand the Impact
While the intention behind the comments might come from a sincere, concerned, or ‘good’ place, the impact isn’t always that. I’ve heard countless stories of clients who said that they received the most ‘positive’ comments about their body when they were in the depths of their eating disorder. Comments that are intended to be positive or helpful can end up impacting someone’s self-esteem, self-worth, sense of self, and eating disorder experience/recovery.
Plus, commenting on people’s bodies can reinforce the idea that their body is the most important and interesting thing about them. Even though our culture reinforces this on the daily, it’s not true.
But, what if I’m concerned about someone?
Among the facts about eating disorders that I would shout from the rooftops, one such fact is this:
We don’t know if someone has an eating disorder just by looking at their body.
Only 6% of folks with eating disorders meet the medical criteria for being ‘underweight’. That means people of all sizes and shapes of bodies can be struggling with an eating disorder. Remember, that eating disorders impact folks across the race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, and ability spectrum. However, those with marginalized and intersecting identities are often misdiagnosed, underdiagnosed, overlooked, and face more barriers to receiving care. This includes folks in larger bodies.
Weight bias perpetuates weight stigma.
Studies show that acting weight discrimination can increase daily stressors, physical symptoms, negative emotions, and poor health outcomes. This is yet another reason why we shouldn’t be commenting on people’s bodies!
Are there other things about that person in your life that are concerning besides the size/shape of their body? Have you noticed any of the following:
mood changes
being more withdrawn
having rigid rules around food/exercise
changes in behavior
Weight is not a behavior and because we cannot tell the health of someone just by looking at their body, consider any other behavioral changes that make you concerned. You can also check out this post on the eating disorder spectrum for more insight.
If you are truly concerned for someone in your life, bring your concern to the person in a non-judgmental, compassionate way. You could say something like:
“Hey bestie. I’ve noticed you’ve been pulling away a bit more and tend to avoid eating out during solo and group hangouts. I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Is everything okay? I’m always available to talk.”
Swap body comments for these
Now, because commenting on bodies is so common, we might forget that there are other things we can say to people to compliment them. Instead of body comments, comment on their character, personal achievements, and how they make you feel. Here are some suggestions:
Personality & Character
"You have such a warm and welcoming presence."
"Your kindness makes a real difference in people's lives."
"I love how authentically you show up in the world."
"Your confidence is inspiring!"
"You radiate such a calming energy."
Intelligence & Creativity
"You always have the most insightful perspective."
"Your creativity blows me away!"
"You have such a brilliant way of expressing yourself."
"I always learn something new from you."
“I love your style! What’s your inspiration?”
Actions & Impact
"You make people feel so seen and valued."
"The way you support others is truly beautiful."
"You are such a great listener."
"Your hard work and dedication are really inspiring."
Humor & Joy
"You have an incredible sense of humor!"
"Your laugh is so contagious—it makes my day better."
"Talking to you always brightens my mood."
"You bring so much joy to the people around you."
Moving Forward
We understand that making the shift to not commenting on people’s bodies can be challenging. Get curious about why you do it, explore any internalized fatphobia or weight bias, take ownership if you make a mistake or cause harm, and start coming up with your own unique non-body-related comments! If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or body image, reach out to the CCN Team today!
