What is Body Grief?
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When I first fell in love with exercise, I fell hard. Not only did I love moving my body and feeling strong, but I also loved how it made my body look. While I worked hard to get strong, I also made sure my body looked like it worked out. After finding intuitive eating, I began exploring my disordered relationship with exercise, slowly shifting my mindset, and practicing joyful movement. It was difficult, and I often wished I could go back to my pre-joyful movement body. My body changed by getting softer and fuller. When the discomfort became too much, I made sweeping declarations that I would get back on track and start lifting heavier or doing more cardio. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was moving through the different stages of body grief.
What is body grief?
Have you ever heard the term, Body Grief? Body Image Coach, Bri Campos, of Body Image with Bri, defines body grief as “the distress caused by the perceived loss accompanied with body changes that are often out of our control [1].” Today’s post will dive into the stages of body grief, and come back next week for tips to help navigate body grief!
Why we might experience body grief
Bodies change throughout our lives. It’s normal and it’s supposed to happen. But do you ever feel guilt or shame or discomfort or frustration when your body changes? Diet culture messaging does a really good job of making us feel like it’s our fault when our body changes. It’s convinced us that body change is a bad thing and must be fixed, no matter the cost, which is why it thrives as a $72 billion+ industry. Diet culture also forces strongly encourages us to equate our body size and shape to our worth as a human. We can see this in the treatment of fat bodies, disabled bodies, LGBTQIA+ bodies, and BIPOC bodies. The thin ideal is what we are taught to strive for, so it makes sense that if we don’t have bodies that fit the standard, we experience body grief.
Let’s also normalize the fact that bodies change for a variety of reasons throughout our lives. Bodies change during puberty, pregnancy and childbirth, and illness or surgery. Bodies change when we age, experience trauma, give up dieting, utilize gender-affirming healthcare, and more.
We will say it again: body change is normal.
But it doesn’t always feel normal.
Grief & Body Grief Similarities
Grief is deep sorrow caused by a loss that can lead to distress. It’s likely you are familiar with grief that is associated with the death of a loved one or the loss of a person in your life.
Some symptoms of grief include:
Emotional: Feelings of hopelessness, fear, guilt, numbness, anger, and anxiety.
Behavioral: trouble sleeping and/or concentrating, increased sleeping, increased isolation
Physical: headaches, body tension, lack of energy, digestive issues, and/or loss of appetite [4]
There are 7 stages of grief (usually discussed as 5, but 2 new stages were added) developed by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross to help better understand the emotional progression involved in processing a loss. Body grief can be understood through these 7 stages of grief.
7 Stages of [Body] Grief
Shock
Shock is the initial stage characterized by numbness or emotional paralysis following bad news [3]. Maybe you felt this way when you found out that diets have a 95% failure rate. Or after learning more about the thin ideal. Perhaps you were told that a higher level of care is necessary to help with your eating disorder recovery and you didn’t think it would be.
Denial
The denial stage is characterized by refusing to accept the current reality. This might look like denying body changes. Or telling yourself you can get back ‘on track’ or ‘back on the wagon’. Maybe even telling yourself that you aren’t ‘sick enough’ for treatment.
Anger
Anger is the first response to new feelings of loss and can be used to relieve the pain through control [1]. This anger can look like increased negative self-talk or feelings of body shame. It can look like getting angry because the body you want and/or hope to have is not attainable or realistic. It could also look like getting angry at diet culture for all its lies.
Bargaining
The bargaining stage is characterized by understanding the current reality but still trying to find ways to move forward and avoid the pain of the loss [1]. This might look like ‘Last Supper’ mentality (This is my last ‘cheat’ meal. Tomorrow, I get back on track again!). Or trying a new diet or making a lifestyle change (perhaps starting intermittent fasting??), confident that it will work this time if you can just have enough willpower. Maybe even being interested in practicing intuitive eating but wanting to lose weight first. For those with eating disorders, it might look like deciding to eat more but only if the current weight is maintained or only if exercise can be increased.
After reading the stages, do you ever feel like the first 4 stages can happen in the span of a day or weekend? It makes sense that we cycle through these stages in an effort to avoid the next one: depression.
Depression
The depression stage is characterized by more intense feelings and emotions. Bri calls this stage ‘sitting in the suck.’ Not only are feelings and emotions increased at this stage, but it is also the one where reality hits and sinks in. If you don’t have practice feeling your feelings, this stage can feel even more difficult.
Testing
Testing is the stage characterized by testing out ways to manage and cope with the loss. It’s the pre-acceptance stage. In the testing phase, you might explore more anti-diet/HAES/intuitive eating/fat liberation resources and how they can fit into your life.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the final stage characterized by acceptance of the situation. At this stage, you might have full-on acceptance of your body. The hope at this stage is that you can manage feelings and expectations of your body image. That can look like increased positive self-talk, getting curious about thoughts and feelings, and showing yourself (and your younger self) compassion [1].
Moving Through Body Grief
Moving through body grief is not an easy process. It’s not linear and, sadly, there is no timeline for how quickly you can or should move through the stages. With this process, know that it will be difficult and uncomfortable, but it cannot be bypassed. The quote “The only way out is through” is quite applicable here.
Body grief is part of the process of reclaiming a positive relationship with your body. You are not alone, and you are not the only one experiencing distress.
Come back next week to get tips and tools for managing body grief and supporting yourself in the process.
If you feel like you need more support, we highly recommend working with a body image and/or Health At Every Size informed mental health provider!
Also, please note, that we recognize this topic is very nuanced and complex. We hope this post acts as a high-level overview of body grief, and highly recommend learning more from Bri Campos, the leading voice in the industry on body grief.
Sources Used:
[1] Campos, B. (n.d). 4 Reasons You are Stuck with Your Body Image | Bri's Body Grief Guide. https://s3.amazonaws.com/kajabi-storefronts-production/sites/143519/downloads/ETBqxCsTSX2m5WHOuVzS_Bri_s_Updated_Body_Grief_Guide.pdf
[2] Noble, M. (2022, November 28). Body acceptance begins with grieving the thin ideal. Meredith Noble Counseling - Fat-positive Trauma Therapy in Portland, Oregon. https://www.meredithnoble.com/blog/body-acceptance-begins-with-grieving-the-thin-ideal
[3] Sandel, C. (2022, September 28). The Stages Of Body Grief. Seven Health: Intuitive Eating and Anti Diet Nutritionist. https://seven-health.com/2022/09/body-grief/
[4] Waichler, I., & Moawad, H. (2023, January 27). 7 Stages of Grief: Examples & What to Expect. Choosing Therapy. Retrieved February 1, 2023, from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/7-stages-of-grief/
Collaborative Counseling & Nutrition is an outpatient nutrition and body image counseling center, with locations in Indianapolis and Carmel, that provides compassionate, holistic eating disorder treatment. Through practicing mindfulness, intuition, and Health At Every Size, we are on a mission to help you find a true state of well-being! We take an anti-diet, weight-inclusive approach with all our clients and work to help guide you towards a way of healthy living designed by you, just for you! This post is for education purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for treatment for an eating disorder. If you are looking for a registered dietitian or therapist to assist you on your recovery journey, please reach out today!
